PODCAST EPISODE #003
Hey there and welcome to the Freed To Be You podcast. I have wanted a place to have these conversations for so long, convos that matter. I’ve been having them anyway with the best humans in my life, but I’ve wanted to have them here with you, and now is the time. From personal stories to meaningful, high-vibed conversations with inspiring guests. This podcast is created with one purpose to give you permission to finally free yourself up and be you in every area of your life, to go from self-abandonment to full self-expression. We discuss everything from mindset, health and vulnerability to relationships, parenting and more. I’m Megan Gibson aka Megs from here on, and I’m passionate about helping women uncover who they really are so they can author a life they’re obsessed with. I’m a life-alignment coach, certified as an Ultimate Contribution Uncovered facilitator, more on this later. A writer, a mother, a wanna be surfer and crazy in love with my life. I’m a living, breathing example of my work every day. Oh, perfectionism, the need to have everything perfect first before you take Par alysis by analysis, it sucks and it keeps those of us who suffer from it small and safe. Safe from the pain of rejection, safe from criticism. It kills progress and inhibits us from expanding and growing into our full potential. And, most importantly, it makes us self-abandon and it hinders our self-expression. It stops us from moving towards what we want to achieve. It stops us from creating because we fear that we’re going to get it wrong or, worse yet, that we’re going to be rejected in some way. Now I have suffered from the grip of perfectionism for most of my life and the toxic internal dialogue that kept it firmly in place. So in this episode, I want to share how important it is to take imperfect action in order to overcome that paralysis and to overcome perfectionism. Now that I’ve got this podcast up and running, I thought it would be a great time to share my story around getting it started and some of the things that I’ve had to overcome in the process and over the years I have been on my own personal development journey. So let’s start with a little bit of a backstory. I am the first born of four girls and when I was growing up, I was a pretty damn near perfect child. I’ve had this confirmed, just to be clear. I loved to help out my parents. I loved going and spending time with my grandparents in the garden or the kitchen. I was not loud or disobedient, I said please and thank you and I finished what was on my plate. I did what you would want every child to do, and I also really loved praise. Now I’m not saying that I never screwed up because I did. I mean, we know that’s how we learn But I remember those times that I did so vividly because of how they made me feel. I felt ashamed and sad and I felt like I’d let the adults down that I looked up to, and so it made me try even harder to win back their affections and their praise. When I was at school, I got good grades. I never missed a class, but I even had a bully, a girl who called me the name Little Miss Perfect in the school yard, and so you know, that was my MO, that was what I tried to be everywhere, even as a kid. So if you fast forward to my adult years, this need to be good was just never enough. I was constantly striving to be better, which is not necessarily a bad thing when it’s driven by, a healthy internal dialogue. When it’s negative, you look for evidence in every area of your life, especially your relationships to prove that you are in fact enough. And so when you don’t find it or, worse yet, when you get criticism or you get a lack of acknowledgement instead, the cycle continues. And this can wreak havoc. Perfectionism becomes a way of being, and so you find yourself obsessing over every tiny detail with this hyper attention, and it becomes something stops you from being productive, right? So it means that you achieve less, and then that can perpetuate that feeling of not being good enough. So I would get so focused on planning a project, and that project might be anything from a dinner party with friends to a birthday party for the kids, to just anything that needed planning, and I would hinder myself from starting because I wanted to get it right. And everybody that knows me well will tell you that I’m one of the most organised people they know, and this is why because I am a bit of a psychotic planner I like to plan things out, I like to make sure that I’ve got all the I’s and T’s dotted before I start, and it’s as good as that can be. In certain areas of life, there are times when you need to have that attention to detail, but for everyday things, for just actually moving forward and getting things done, it’s really not necessary. It’s a very good creative avoidance strategy. So if you’ve not heard that term before, it basically means that you look for everything else to do other than the thing that you actually need to do in the moment. Perhaps the worst thing of all is this constant need for reassurance and validation. And this is where it can really affect your relationships, because if you’re constantly needing reassurance to know that you’ve done a good job or to know that you’re enough and you need that validation and you’re not getting it, it’s absolutely outside of your control. Sometimes you get the opposite, sometimes you get feedback that you aren’t ready to hear, and sometimes you get judgment, and that judgment can really hurt. But the thing to understand is that the only judgment that really matters at that point, at the starting point, is your own, because if you want to overcome perfectionism which is 100% possible the best way to do it is just to start to take perfectly imperfect action. So, as much as that was kind of my way of being, that’s not to say that I didn’t achieve great things along the way. I did. I successfully brought three amazing human beings into the world who are still breathing, so that’s a good thing! Ha Ha, I’ve run multiple businesses over the years that I did well at. I have made and maintained incredible connections with awesome people all over the world. I’m a good cook. I’m a great cook, according to a few, and I could sell ice to an Eskimo. I’ve been in sales for over 15 years and I have always found that that is something that I exceed my own expectations and those that I work for. So it’s not like I haven’t achieved great things whilst having this running in the background. I’m even writing my very first book at the moment, something that I’ve wanted to complete for many, many years, and I can tell you everything that I have worked through is coming right back up in the process of that. Whilst I have been achieving all those things, with this dialogue in the background, it’s absolutely exhausting. The need to get it perfect, it’s like you’re a swan on top of the water, all graceful, achieving what you’re achieving, and underneath you’re paddling like crazy to stop yourself from drowning in your own self-doubt. And to make it even worse, the internal dialogue is toxic, that inner mean girl that we all have. She is so loud, deafening, that it can be difficult to hear my own true, higher self, and so in my upcoming book I talk a lot about this how to shut her up, to finally stop listening to her and stop believing the bullshit that she feeds you when you actually are achieving things or when you’re setting out to achieve things. And maybe this all sounds way, way too familiar to you. And your BS story is something entirely different, but if you believe that that story that you’re hearing in your head is true, it will stop you in your tracks. My story is that I need to be good, I need to be better, I need to be good enough, and so I believed this lie. I believed this lie that I’m not enough, and constantly fought against that. I’ve come up with a lot of strategies over the years that work for me. But what I wanted to get at on this episode is that it doesn’t matter how much work you do, it’s always there, and so it’s really important that we actually uncover what’s meaningful to us, what makes us who we are, what we want to move towards, so that we can keep those things front of mind in these moments. Now, my BS story is that I’m not enough. Yours might be different, like I said, but it will stop you in your tracks and it will make everything that you go to do more challenging than it needs to be. So many of the women that I’ve worked with over the years have felt this way at certain times, some of them for all of their lives, and men, too this is not just a female thing. In the next couple of weeks, I’m actually going to be releasing something to help you reveal this BS story that you’re hiding within you, and we all have this version of the same not enough lie that stops us from reaching our fullest expression. So stay tuned, because I’m really looking forward to helping you bring yours into the light. When I first started out as a coach, I was in the personal branding space and I was helping people uncover what is authentic and meaningful to them, and I was just beginning my own journey of self discovery. So it was just as much of an unraveling for me, as it was for those that I was facilitating at the time. Now I’m somebody that believes that if you’re doing something and you’re not walking your talk, then you’re in the wrong profession. When you are refining your craft whilst being responsible for witnessing and guiding another along a pathway like I was, on helping them to come to their own realisations, I’m telling you you learn at double the pace because there’s no room for self doubt or second guessing. And, of course, I was heavily supported and I received amazing guidance from my mentors at the time. But the point I’m making here is that this was a big turning point for me in taking action in the face of imperfection, because I did have to learn fast, and so that’s kind of where I’ve realized that for all of those times where I stopped myself or where I was trying to hyper focus on all those details, I was actually not taking action and therefore not moving forward, and I was letting perfection win. So this particular point where I started this journey was a big turning point, because I didn’t have time for that, I had to overcome it and I had to be it at the same time. So rediscovering myself and stepping into my own expression of this work, that had a tremendous impact on my ability to back myself, and that’s what I want to really get out here, because if you can back yourself and you can take imperfect action and just take that first step and move forward, that’s going to perpetuate the opposite. It’s going to have you realise that, oh, actually, I’m going to get feedback, and it may be good and it may be not good, but you don’t have to own it. The only feedback that’s really important is how you feel about you, the people that love you, the people that really care about you. They want you to do well and they should want you to grow and move forward, and if that’s not the case, then we need to reassess that. But what I’ve found is the biggest and the most sort of detrimental impact that I’ve felt was in my close relationships, because we push back on that feedback, even if it’s good. If we’re not focused on the perfection, if you let the perfection go and you just go after it anyway, even if you receive a little bit of criticism, it’s easier to take. And so that’s what I love about this work and really discovering what’s meaningful to you, because, one of the things that’s meaningful to me is self expression. As you know, self expression is so important. If we can’t, if we’re not in a space where we can self express, where we can express how we’re feeling, where we can be silly and, you know, be the bigger version of ourselves, then we really need to think about whether we are in the right space at all. We get one shot at this life. We get one shot at being the best, biggest version of ourselves. And if we don’t step into it, if we’re too scared because of what feedback we’re going to get or not getting it right, then we’re going to stay small and life is going to pass us by. As the head practitioner at UCU, Ultimate Contribution Uncovered, after hundreds of hours on calls with brave, vulnerable human beings all over the world, it’s my responsibility to actually lead from the front. So when someone steps into this work and takes themselves on, it inspires me to continue to be better, and one of the first steps in the process is to unpack the past. People share the events of their lives, both the highs and the lows, and we get to see how those things have shaped who they really are. It’s intense and it’s extremely revealing, but when you become aware of what’s most important to you and what you’re innately good at, then you have something that you can aim at and you have this self awareness that you can show up differently. And let me say this I am honoured every single time. I’m blessed to have the opportunity to hear someone’s story, because everybody is unique, everybody’s got a unique set of circumstances and a unique way that they’ve approached those circumstances, and it’s just an absolute honour and a blessing for me to be able to witness somebody witness themselves for the first time. And then what we do after that is we repack those things so we get to pull it all apart and unpack it, and then we repack the things that are meaningful, we repack the value and you get to take that lighter version with you and it’ll serve you and it is just the most beautiful process. So when I decided that I wanted to put a podcast together and that that would be the best way to connect with you, even after all of that work that I’ve done over the years and the strategies that I know work, everything that I’ve worked through to overcome this desire for perfection, my inner mean girl that I was talking about before, came screaming back up. It’s almost two years ago to the day that I came up with the idea for the name, for the purpose of this podcast. I even recorded the first few episodes and two of them you’ve actually heard or listened to already because I did use them! I was then struck by paralysis of analysis. I overanalysed the crap out of myself and everything that I’d done to that point so far. I found all these countless reasons why I needed to wait and hold off on releasing my show, and so I didn’t. I waited, I put it on the shelf and I got busy with other things. I was way too busy to fulfil my dreams and I abandoned myself all over again and channeled that energy everywhere else. Now, thankfully, I eat my own cooking, as they say, and I knew exactly what I was doing and I knew exactly what I was not doing. I sat with this feeling and I journaled about what was coming up for me, and then I reached out to the amazing humans in my space and I got real about it. So the first step was really owning the fact that it was happening and then stepping into sharing that with somebody else. I shared and I reflected and I realigned with who I know myself to be and who I’d uncovered myself to be, and what that done was reignite my vision and my passion to facilitate this work for more people, because that’s what this podcast is going to do. It is a way to do just that to bring this work to life and to reach more brave souls who need it, like you. So, rather than do nothing, even if we know that this is happening and sometimes, as I said, it’s taken me a little while, but to come back around and actually get this going. I’ve taken imperfect action, and it’s perfectly fine. I’ve had fantastic feedback. I’ve had a little bit of feedback in the way of things that I could change, but I’ve also had fantastic feedback, and so I can’t tell you how amazing it feels to back yourself, to feel that fear and to do it anyway. It is the cure, guys. It’s the only cure. In my opinion, as I’ve said before and I’ll say it again now, this is not a dress rehearsal, this is it. We need to get used to taking imperfect action, to not having all the finer details worked out, to flying that plane while we’re building it sometimes, because if we wait, if we get into that creative avoidance and we stay in this fear of what people are going to think about us, it is the epitome of the opposite of being self-expressed. And that is what I want for you. I want for you to be able to move away from that feeling and move into a version of you that feels like they can show up in the world as the best version, the biggest version of themselves. If this resonated with you and you feel like perfection is perhaps holding you back and holding back your self-expression, then I’ve got some steps for you that you can take right now. That are going to free yourself up from its grip. These are things that I’ve done myself that have worked for me, and I continue to do them, as I’ve said, even getting this podcast going. These are things that I’ve had to do, and they’re strategies. We’re always going to have to work through things and whenever we feel like we’ve reached somewhere, there’s always another level. It’s like another level, another devil. You may have heard that before. So these steps are the things that you can do right now to free you up from its grip. The first one is, like I said, to recognise it, call yourself out on it, write it down. Get a beautiful journal and start writing things down. If you aren’t somebody who journals yet, then I really encourage you to do it, because you’re going get to document how you feel and why you feel so stuck and you want to get it all out. And, trust me, it is so powerful to come back and look at it and not to mention, I find journaling extremely cathartic. I wasn’t very good at it when I first started. I probably started journaling about five, six years ago and I would do it sporadically, but now it’s something that I know helps you to hear your own thoughts, the ones you don’t necessarily want to share with anyone else, the ones that you need to hear yourself. Write them down, because when you move forward and you look back and you see how far you’ve come, it’s extremely powerful. So that’s step one recognise it, write it down. Step two is to take one step, so however small it is, towards getting whatever it is that you’re stopping yourself from doing happening. So it might be just signing up for the class if it’s something that you want go and do, whether it’s, art or singing or dancing. I’m talking self-expression, but it may not even be that. Maybe it’s just that you need to actually move forward and make an appointment that you’ve been avoiding making. Maybe it’s something to do with your health. There’s not an area of our life that doesn’t get affected when we suffer with perfectionism and if there is something that you’re putting off, that’s in the health area of your life, then I really, really implore you to do it. We don’t want to put that stuff off. Maybe it’s simply researching what you need to do or just making a list, but whatever it is, just start. Just pick one small thing and then move and do that one thing. That’s going be making a start. The third thing, and this is something that will get a little bit of accountability for you, I invite you to share this episode on Facebook or Insta or whatever platform you choose, with your commitment to finally overcome what’s holding you back to do that thing that you’re stopping yourself from doing. So share it, share it with the ones who love you, and if you tag me @freed to be you, I will be your number one cheerleader. It’s time to get after it, and I want you to put yourself in a position where you can allow the people in your life to actually back you. So share it. Share what you’re going to do, share what you’re going to overcome, and if you would like to share this episode along with it, that would be great, because maybe there’s, more often than not, other people in your space who are also suffering from this. So, yeah, perfectionism it’s not fun. It’s not something that I think is in line with progress. It’s something that I am constantly working to move through, and I just know that that’s a lifelong journey. Because, like I said, it doesn’t matter how good you get at something. You’re going to want to get to the next level, and there’s always going to be something there to test you. So make sure that you take these three steps on and when you find yourself where you are needing to move forward, then come back to this strategy. Thank you for tuning into this episode. Don’t forget to hit subscribe or follow on whatever platform you prefer to listen on, if you haven’t already, so that you can be one of the first to hear my next show. At the same time, next week, I have an amazing guest coming on. I know you’re going to be inspired by. She’s somebody who is definitely the epitome of everything we’ve just talked about, and I know you’re going to be super inspired by her, so I look forward to having that conversation and sharing it with you, and until then, it’s time to be you, it’s time to be the REAL you. Have an amazing week and I’ll see you on my next show.
