PODCAST EPISODE #002
Ever wondered how self-expression and authentic communication can lead to deeper intimacy in your relationships? Join us in this juicy conversation with my dear friend and intimacy expert, Patty-Ann Waho, as we uncover the keys to unlocking greater authenticity and connection with ourselves and our partners. Patty shares her expertise as an intimacy and sex specialist, helping us understand the importance of knowing our desires and being assertive when expressing them.
Together, we dive into how to create a safe space for vulnerability, allowing intimacy to thrive in relationships. From setting healthy boundaries to addressing issues outside of intimate moments, we discuss effective ways to foster deeper connections and self-knowledge with our partners. Embracing our true selves and our ‘inner slut’, Patty highlights the power of making requests without fear or judgment, and the importance of sharing our experiences with others. Don’t miss this empowering and eye-opening conversation with Patty-Ann Waho, as we explore the essential ingredients for building a more authentic, communicative, and connected love life.
Megs: 0:00
Hey there and welcome to the Freed To Be You podcast. I have wanted a place to have these conversations for so long, convos that matter. I’ve been having them anyway with the best humans in my life, but I’ve wanted to have them here with you, and now is the time. From personal stories to meaningful, high-vibed conversations with inspiring guests, this podcast is created with one purpose, to give you permission to finally free yourself up and be you in every area of your life, to go from self-abandonment to full self-expression. We discuss everything from mindset, health and vulnerability to relationships, parenting and more. I’m Megan Gibson aka Megs from here on and I’m passionate about helping women uncover who they really are so they can author a life they’re obsessed with. I’m a life-alignment coach, certified as an ultimate contribution uncovered facilitator (more on this later) A writer, a mother, a wanna be surfer and crazy in love with my life. I’m a living, breathing example of my work every day. My special guest on this episode is the wonderful Patty-Ann Waho. She’s a very special friend of mine and I’m very excited to have her on the show. In this episode. we discuss how important it is to be self-expressed in your relationship and communicating your authentic truth in order to co-create a space for intimacy to thrive in and out of the bedroom. I’ve personally worked with Patty over the last few years and uncovered the things that I wanted and have now created in my own relationship, so I know you’re going to love this extremely juicy convo. Patty is an intimacy and sex specialist who helps people improve their relationships and understand their desires. She emphasises the importance of knowing what one truly wants in a relationship, beyond just knowing what we don’t want. Sexuality, love, confidence and self-empowerment are key elements that she focuses on to promote respect and uniqueness. Patty is a mother of four grown men and three grandchildren. She finds joy in their energy and their smiles, and she’s currently studying a Bachelor of Social Sciences, with a major in psychology and minors in gender and sexuality studies. Patty is passionate about disrupting and educating in the field of sex and intimacy. Drawing from her personal experience, Patty consciously educates herself in relationships, self-love and sensuality. Her goal is to empower individuals to make enlightened choices in their own relationships, creating lasting and positive effects in all areas of their lives. Let’s get into what I can tell you was a very juicy chat with Patty. I’m so excited to introduce my guest to you today, the one and only Patty-Ann Waho, my amazing friend and an intimacy coach. So I first met Patty. I’ll never forget. Do you remember? when I first met you, the first thing I said to you? The first thing I ever said to Patty was I think I love you. You are so authentic. I love you. I know, I just wanted to be around you and I have been for nearly six, seven years now, coming up, yeah.
Patty: 3:22
Yeah.
Megs: 3:22
Crazy, yeah, and I was just at the start of my own sort of personal development journey, just starting to come into my own, and you’ve been a big part of that journey for me, so I’m really excited to have you on the show today.
Patty: 3:39
Thank you. It’s all like I’m super stoked and excited and happy. Thank you for having me. Yes. I do remember that time I was a little bit taken back because I think, I was the MC for an event and you just waltzed on up to me and I was like, oh okay, yeah, I was a little bit taken back, but it was beautiful to hear. It was beautiful. So, thank you, yes, and we have been friends ever since. Yeah, it’s awesome.
Megs: 4:07
Yeah, and I remember how that was just like something that felt so natural for me to do, but it was really not natural for me to do something like that at all. So just shows how powerful it is to have such an authentic energy, it just draws people in, which is what I think we should talk about today.
Patty: 4:27
Yeah, let’s do it. Yes, please, yes, draw them in.
Megs: 4:32
And I’m sure this is going to get a little juicy, because you know that’s what we do Maybe not as juicy as our personal chats, but let’s, you know, let’s dive in anyway. I know that for me in the past, expressing myself in relationship has been challenging and something you and I have talked about a lot, but super important, and I think that your take on that be something that really benefit people listening in today.
Patty: 5:06
Yes, Well, I think we, before we even jumped on today I mean, when you were coming into your own, when we first met, you were in a relationship that you probably didn’t feel like you could be your authentic self or speak your truth. I mean, I’ve been there, I’ve been in that kind of relationship, not that that person was shutting me down, but he just wouldn’t be able to hear or understand or comprehend what I was trying to say. And also, we’ve got to take responsibility. Sometimes we’re not in a place where we fully know how to express ourselves, and in an assertive way, not an aggressive way or passive aggressive way. So the key is to be assertive when we’re trying to express ourselves. You know fully. And I’m very good at it now I can, but when it’s the person that’s receiving it, if they’re not in the energy where they can fully receive authentic conversation, they will throw it back at you as you’re crazy, or you know you’ve got something going on or you need to check yourself. They won’t take responsibility for where they need to redirect, do you feel where I’m coming from? So sometimes I’ll give you an example. If you’re feeling hurt, what most people do is they just throw that shit back at the person and blame that person. And the most authentic way to do it would be to speak your truth and how that is. You can still speak your truth and be an asshole, or you can speak your truth and be very kind about it, you know this is how I’m feeling right now when I witness this kind of behaviour. This is how I’m feeling when I hear you say blah, blah, blah, blah. So there’s different ways to communicate your authentic truth, but it’s just how you choose to do it, because most people, when they hear something that triggers the fuck out of them, they will just lash back out instead of just taking a moment, taking a deep breath and then expressing themselves. I’m a very passionate person. So when you piss me off or I’m feeling pissed off, I will express myself. But generally, when I do it, I will always do it in a way that I kind of take myself out of the situation, so there’s no emotion attached to it although I’m a very emotional person but so the person can hear what I’m trying to say, so they can comprehend what I’m trying to say. When someone can comprehend what you’re trying to express, then it lands well and that’s how things can change. If you’re being an asshole?
Megs: 7:47
No one’s gonna hear you. I think we’ve all been guilty of being an asshole.
Patty: 7:51
I know I could definitely take responsibility for that, but that’s where learning comes into my mind.
Megs: 7:56
So I think one of the things that’s really great about what I’ve learned from you, and even just learned myself through experience, is that you have to own when you stuff up. You have to learn from those points, but you have to be in a relationship where that is allowed to happen and that’s not always the case. Do you think that’s a space that can be created like co-created?
Patty: 8:30
Oh, definitely, you know from our romantic walks on the beach when we’ve talked about this, for sure, I mean, even for me. When you think you’ve found someone that is your one or you know whatever the words you want to express it, if these things that don’t sit right, you really need to ask yourself is this thing that I’ve been going through right or do I have to really wake up and go. Is it really going to benefit you from being with this person long-term? Is this person encouraging you to be the best form of yourself And you’ll know? That when you’re in a relationship, or even just being lovers, not in a relationship.
Megs: 9:14
Oh wait, that’s possible? No, i’m kidding. Ha, ha, ha ha.
Patty: 9:18
Sometimes I think, yeah, he’s the one, and sometimes I’m not going to be happy with that. I just think you know when you’re really loving yourself enough, and that is, you know, the old self-love. I’m like, oh, if I hear that word again, I’m going to scream. But you know really telling yourself enough to like step away from a situation because it’s just not serving you. And that’s the biggest thing where, as women and men have, there’s so many things that tick the boxes. But these big, we’ll say red flags they’re not always red flags, Sometimes they’re just amber, They just don’t sit right with you in your gut. You know, and you need to move on. So that’s when you say that the person that is not receiving can’t handle that kind of conversation, you have to think, well, do I just need to cull the relationship, Or is it something that we can talk through together? And talking would be having an adult conversation where that person would be saying, I feel this when this happens and I feel this when that happens, But if the person’s continually reflecting your expression or how you see the relationship, you have to really ask yourself is this for me, You know, and some people don’t want to ask themselves that question because then they have to make a decision to move on. And it hurts. Yeah, it does hurt, It does.
Megs: 10:43
And it doesn’t matter how long the relationship has been in place. The end of the day, we all grow. W e hopefully grow in a positive direction. That’s the point. But if you don’t feel like you can fully be who you are and continue to grow into that version of yourself every day, I find that’s definitely where you start to question things. However, sometimes it’s more about or most of the time actually it’s more about us than them.
Patty: 11:23
Oh yeah, totally, can I get an Amen?!
Megs: 11:29
Yeah. However, you know what? One of the things you and I talked about recently which really struck me was how much okay, i’m gonna get a little bit juicy here, but how much when things feel really good and things are going really well, rocking that boat, bringing up or setting a boundary around something that’s outside of, let’s say, outside of the bedroom or outside of those intimate moments, something that’s a little bit more practical, it gets hard to do, because when one area of the relationship’s going really well and another area isn’t, you know there’s different areas within a relationship. They all have to work, you have to be able to be free in all of them, not just one or the other, and I think that’s something that you and I have navigated in our conversations really well, and I know particularly either side of this chat there is actually getting to a place where you can feel like you can be yourself in every space, in every area.
Patty: 12:39
I totally hear you. So for me personally, I’ve always found it easy to express myself in intimate moments, right. To a certain level. So you brought up a really valid point, I think. I mean everyone’s different, but there’s some things that when someone has a sexual connection or chemistry with a person, then they think, well, if I’ve got that then and there’s issues outside the bedroom or wherever you choose to have sex, then there must be something it shouldn’t be looked at. But the thing is, is what people have to understand with sex and intimacy is that’s a way for a man to express themselves, their love, and then a woman is generally outside of the bedroom. Do you feel me? Yeah, So like for a man to feel connected to a woman. it’s generally through sex. For a woman to feel connected to a man, it’s outside the bedroom And so that’s where there can be a mismatch. So if a woman is feeling like turned on and very connected to their man sexually, then sometimes most people disregard the issues that are happening because they think, well, the sex is good, because sex can be an addiction.
Megs: 13:57
Yeah I agree. But, continue Oh I just agreed with you way too quickly, ha ha.
Patty: 14:07
And so when you say how does someone speak or to be able to be their authentic self outside the bedroom, that’s where the key is, because I’ve always thought people through role play, people can like sort of leave their body and be in a sexual relationship, but they don’t truly show up. They don’t truly show up like everyone can do that. But when you show up outside the bedroom and be authentic self and make requests and like really stand in your truth and then you take that back into the bedroom, then it takes your sexual connection to the next level. But most people stay here. They think, oh, sex is great, don’t, don’t rock the boat. But the magic is outside the bedroom is to be able to fully connect to that person, to be, have these really hard conversations to share. You know, like, for instance, I’m quite high vibe naturally. But if something really hurts me, it’s quite difficult for me to share that with my lover, because I’ve always been the person that helps everyone out. I’m always like the person that’s high vibes, I’m always everyone else’s cheerleader. So for me to receive help sometimes I do find it hard And the biggest show tale would be if I can show that true, my true self to my lover You feel me.
Megs: 15:30
I do, i do.
Patty: 15:33
So whatever’s right for a person in a relationship is just to show up. And how do you do this is by owning where you are at that moment owning your own feelings, but sharing them, and then don’t let that person that you’re sharing them with twist the words, because if they start doing that, you really have to ask yourself is this right for me? Yeah, we’ve been in a relationship where that’s happened.
Megs: 16:00
We have. Well, not together, but separately.
Patty: 16:06
You’re not more kind of flavour girl, but hey, I am Whatever.
Megs: 16:12
Oh, too funny.
Patty: 16:15
H a ha ha
Megs: 16:16
Yeah, I think the biggest thing and this is something you and I agree on a lot is the key to and I mean, a lot of people talk about relationships and they talk about communication, but I think that communication for communication sake, whatever, but real communication, the communication where you can be vulnerable, where there’s space for you to show up, where there’s space for you to express yourself, where it’s safe That’s what we’re talking about, right.
Patty: 16:49
That kind of communication. For instance, safe communication would be if I open myself up to my lover and I shared something that was truly vulnerable or really scary with that person. Safe would be that they wouldn’t throw it in my face. You know, ten conversations down the road or months down the road, that’s not safety. That’s like gathering information like the CIA and then chucking it in your face, using it against you. That’s not safe And I think people have to really look at their relationship. Big picture is just like how you know, bring it home And then your gut feeling everyone’s got that intuition but most people don’t use it because that’s scared of the answer. It’s like really just you know, closing down your eyes and like really just asking yourself the questions that you want to know, and you always get it. But most people go and ask their friends or a coach are great to sort of unpack, but generally you know you’ve always got the answers if you just actually quieten yourself down and ask yourself. And I know that I’ve got the most these answers from myself when I’ve actually gone in a quite place and actually asked myself. Yeah, but I’m very guilty of not doing that often enough.
Megs: 18:10
I think one of the big things, too, is and I mean, you know, this is something I believe in as well is, in order to really trust ourselves, though, we need to know ourselves, And so this leads us back to sort of you know the reason we’re here, And that’s like really understanding, like accessing that. You know wisdom, really understanding who you are, what you value, why you value it. It doesn’t matter what area of your life you look at we’re looking at relationships, But I think that if you can learn how to trust yourself and know yourself, then we’re going to listen to that intuition a bit more, a lot more actually.
Patty: 18:50
I’ll take it to knowing your pussy right. Generally, most women do not know what their pussy looks like. They do not know where anything is, they don’t know where their sweet spot is Right. But if you did, if you actually studied your own pussy and you knew where all your sweet spots were, then you could communicate that to your lover. So just imagine if you had all this inner wisdom of yourself, if you take the same analogy and you knew what you stood for, you knew what your negotiables and non-negotiables were, you knew what your triggers were, you knew all those things about yourself. Then you could share that with your lover because you know where you’re at And so they could show you love in a way that you can receive it because of everything you’ve shared with them. So the more you know about yourself and the more you can share that. But if you go and blind and don’t even know where what anything is, it’s just like well, how the hell are you going to have a beautiful sexual relationship? And then how the hell are you going to have a beautiful actual relationship with you? know, whoever you choose to be with, it’s the same. So you get to know yourself and your pussy.
Megs: 19:58
I knew we would go there. Well, great analogy, but it’s true, it’s so true. Yeah, I love it. Know yourself, this has been a very juicy conversation and valuable. I mean, we’re probably, you know, we’re talking about things that we talked about a lot, but we’re talking about it from our own experience, from your experience as a coach. Where can, on that note, where can people get in touch with you And what can they get in touch with you about?
Patty: 20:37
Well, if they want to get in touch with themselves, then they get in touch with me. So my name is Patty-Ann Waho. My website is actually my name .com.au And I’m releasing an online program where I work with women, it’s called pussy activation. So it’s either you need to be reactivated or activated to become alive and to be really connected to yourself, so then you can actually know how to connect to your lover, how to connect to yourself, how to make requests, how to own that slut, because slut’s a great word. We all need to just love our inner slut and to be able to be comfortable with that. See, most people would think like that’s a bad word. It’s not, you need to own that slut, and without any fear or judgment of yourself.
Megs: 21:46
Yeah well, I will put all that in the notes of this episode, but it’s such an honour having you on the show. I had so much fun talking to you. Thank you for being here, and I think I’m going to have to give you back as I’ve thought of at least three other things we can talk about just while we’re talking. If you’ve enjoyed this and you think someone else would benefit from it, please do share it. Thank you, Patty Love you. You’re welcome, hun. Love at first sight, and I will see you very soon.
Patty: 22:23
Yeah, you will.
Megs: 22:25
Bye
CONNECT WITH PATTY-ANN:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pattyannwaho
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PattyAnnWaho
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@pattyannwaho
Twitter: https://twitter.com/pattyannwaho
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/PattyKapua
Website: https://pattyannwaho.com.au
OFFICIAL BIO:
Patty-Ann Waho is an intimacy and sex specialist who helps people improve their relationships and understand their desires. She emphasises the importance of knowing what one truly wants in a relationship, beyond just knowing what they don’t want. Sensuality, self-love, confidence, and self-empowerment are key elements she focuses on to promote respect and uniqueness.
As a proud Māori wahine toa from Aotearoa (New Zealand), Patty-Ann is a mother of four grown men and has three grandchildren. She finds joy in their energy and smiles. Currently studying a Bachelor of Social Sciences with a major in Psychology, and minors in Kaupapa Māori Psychology and Gender and Sexuality Studies.
Patty-Ann is passionate about disrupting and educating in the field of sex and intimacy. She assists both men and women in understanding their ideal relationships, providing insights and tools to achieve their desires. Her coaching is beneficial for couples and singles alike, helping them build and maintain happy and meaningful relationships. Sex and intimacy coaching is not limited to couples, but beneficial for singles too, basically, anyone with genitals looking to build and maintain happy and meaningful relationships.
Drawing from her personal experience, Patty-Ann continuously educates herself in relationships, self-love, and sensuality. Her goal is to empower individuals to make enlightened choices in their own relationships, creating lasting and positive effects in all areas of their lives. For those seeking guidance and support on their journey towards sexual consciousness, they can book a chat with Patty-Ann Waho.
